Desire and Longing.

Have you ever wanted something so bad your soul ached?  Have you ever figured out when you want something this bad you'll never get it?

I figured that out.  I was happy.  I was really happy, I liked where my life was headed.  It wasn't perfect but I had all of what I wanted, and I had what was most important to me, somebody to love and share my life with.  Career be dammed, at the end of my life I want to look back on my time spent with the girl of my dreams.  I thought I had that.  And then, with her, it set in.  She wouldn't look at me.  Her smile was tainted. She wouldn't walk as close to me, she would just keep drifting farther apart.  We wouldn't hold hands. I got scared.  I was so scared to lose what I had found, I let it get to me, I began to cling on for dear life, and she only pushed away more.

I never wanted any of this fucking garbage.  Damn this feeling to the deepest depths of hell.
I want to rage, I want to punch and kick and wrestle and throw and beat something into oblivion, I want to be hit back.  But you can't fight this kind of pain, not like I know how.

FUCK